So I was watching this ‘ere Brokeback Mountain, just to see exactly fer mahself how boring it would be to a straight women-loving man such as mahself, as all my straight guy friends said that it was boring as heck. However, some lassies with queer friends might beg to differ. And queer folk, they be obviously loving it.

As the movie screen filled up with enough sheep to count to solve mah current amnesia, I wunnered who the aggressor/initiator would be. Y’know, who be shooting the gun. Would it be Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal fer those of y’all who ain’t into the habit of rememberin’ names), who was checkin’ Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) out in the first scene?

Well tumble mah weed, it all happened in the dark, so I didn’t remember who was doin’ who, but they went straight to their business.

Other than that, an’ some friendly camaderie, it was just a lot of grass. Ah took a peek at the clock. Forty-two minutes. Phew. there I was, thinking it would be just half an hour past. That ain’t half bad.

Ennis Del Mar: This is a one-shot thing we got goin’ on here.
Jack Twist: It’s nobody’s business but ours.
Ennis Del Mar: You know I ain’t queer.
Jack Twist: Me neither.

There is but just one doggone thing wrong with that, and I be telling ya what it is.

They ain’t championing bull manure. They are championing chicken manure. What ah mean is, both of them, y’see, they ain’t, y’know… born queer. They just did something there then, they got married and got kids and all, and they meet up ev’ry now and then and have a go at it.

And it’s a newfangled fad that they say nowadays in town, you be born queer. This here, it ain’t helping. It ain’t so bad if they were born queer, then we put our hats down fer them, we say they can’t help it. But with this, it just meant to show, they just ain’t got the balls to take the sheep they were guarding instead.

So, the moral of the story, kids, is, well, not there. Empty revolver.

Well, at least, if ya fancy Anne Hathaway (that’s the Princess Diaries star), ya get to see her hooters in this one. And that, now kids, is why it ain’t that boring after all.