People have asked me for their impression of their relationship with their significant other. I often tell them this parable, which I thought out:

A couple goes into a room where there is a computer which asks questions, and they answer. The computer hears their tone of voice to determine, using Artificial Intelligence (A.I.), if they have a good future together.

I am the A.I.’s programmer. I see that the girl is cute, so I click a button and the computer claims that the guy has been cheating on her. The guy leaves in anger at the computer, and the girl comes out crying inconsolably. I comfort her, and use her emotional vulnerability to my advantage.

Thus I say, people should not ask any external party about their relationship. Friends can either say positive things (good for you) or negative things. Alternatively, a friend may have a hidden reason in saying negative things, in order to get you in their arms instead.

A well-meaning friend could also have nothing to say, and if you keep asking, they’ll try to think of one thing to say, for your improvement, which ends up being heard as negative. This ends up sabotaging your opinion of the relationship, for no benefit at all.

The only time you should ask an external party, is if you are unable to recognize that you are in a toxic or abusive relationship. At this point I can only hope your friends will tell you, before you ask them, that the relationship is unhealthy.