In a cab ride to an LRT station: (Cab driver’s speech in italics and language was made more grammatically correct)

So where are you going?
I’m going to meet a friend at Kelana Jaya, and then we’ll take a cab to a friend’s birthday party.
Oooh. Guy’s birthday party or girl’s birthday party?
A girl’s birthday party.
OOOH, good. Don’t waste your time going for a guy’s birthday party. At least you go to a girl’s birthday party, maybe you get a chance to sleep with her. Guy? Guy, what for?
Er, maybe he invited girls?
Yeah, but it’s still better to be friends with girls. When you have no money, you can borrow money from them. Girls can pity you. Girls will lend you money!

As much as you may disagree, I know damn well that some girls prove his last statement right.

Wow, your pocket so big. What is that?
It’s a digital camera.
Oooh. If I had one, I tell you, I will take pictures of pretty girls. Especially those with big boobs. I tell you, driving around all day, I see many girls with big boobs! It’s quite fun to talk to them also.
Ooo.
But I tell you… boobs are nice to take pictures of, but if you wanna grab, better to grab the butt. More satisfying.
Eh? Why is that?
I tell you ah, sometimes they look big only. Pushup, dressing, all bluff you wan. When I touch ah, I disappointed lah. It only looks big, but not… fulfilling.
Maybe that’s because we guys have a butt, and so we know what a butt feels like, and so we won’t be disappointed?
Hmmm, yes, definitely.
Yeah, there was this Italian-Malay chick whose butt I grabbed, and it was much more satisfying than I thought for its size. So fulfilling. So full. (I don’t know why I blurted that bit… and to this day, I refer to her as the “chick-whose-butt-I-grabbed”. And no, I never blogged about her.)
Wah. Good for you young man!
Maybe because we don’t have boobs, we see boobs, we don’t know what to expect. We stare at them all day, then we end up expecting more? But if a girl likes girls, she surely won’t be disappointed.
Yeah. Boobs are nice to look at. Butt is for grabbing.

There is some truth to his boobs-are-to-look-at, butt-to-grab observation – I just realized that I rarely take spy pictures of butts. A butt is easier to grab in public (I’m referring to consenting people, of course.)

No wonder some girls wish for a bigger ass.

P.S. Dide the (then) juvenile ass-grabber can attest to my butt being montel. Refer to my Friendster testimonials wayyy back. Yes, despite me looking like I have no ass I assure you she enjoyed grabbing it.