I am evil.

Sadistic.

I must let it out and let the world know. In a way, this is my confession to the world, hoping for forgiveness. If I told a priest, he wouldn’t tell anybody but God. Here I am, telling the whole world. For your own good.

Here’s the story:

At the office, I drink water. Lots of water. I get called the fireman for having a 500 ml bottle (those short, tinier ones) and a 1.5 l bottle on my desk. I fill it up with water at the pantry nearby, then slowly down the bottles.

One fine day, one of my colleagues (name withheld) was not feeling well and needed to take pills. The obvious choice to glug down the pills with would be my bottle, so she asked me for permission while opening the 500 ml bottle and pointing to it. I just gave a blank, blur stare (like it wasn’t my bottle) and mumbled something sarcastic about the pills (we were already spiking each other, heh).

Later, after she swallowed the pill and drank from my bottle, she asked me again if I was okay with her drinking from my bottle, while placing the bottle back in its place. I gave a blank stare, and then asked her, “Notice how I always drink from the big bottle?”

“Oh shit.” (Or something to similiar effect). She ran out, troubled.

She came back with a vengeful smirk. She then admitted that she forced herself to throw up because she was so disgusted with the thought that it had been anybody else’s water (not that my water is that clean, compliments aside, but there are month-old bottles lying around!)

She then took my bigger bottle with another pill. I then told her that the smaller bottle was mine. Heh. “I prefer to drink from the bigger bottle because it’s got a bigger neck and a better grip.” That was the bomb. Oh yeah. I am mean.

Conclusion? Don’t take everything I say too seriously, especially if I say it with an eyebrow smirk. 😉

Oh yeah. But seriously, I can be unnoticeably sarcastic. Really deadpan. So much that when I try to reply sarcasm with more, they ask me if I really believed their sarcasm!

Randomly rambled quote:
I say whatever I want, not because I can get away with it, but because people have come to accept me as what I am.

Here’s a little question-and-answer session between Albert, the webmaster, and Albert, the skeptical surfer. Don’t look down on our schizophrenia!

Why blog?
Simple. To release stress. It’s therapheutic. I tend to keep things, especially bad things, to myself. I don’t express my emotions out loud, or at least not in real life. The Internet is the best tap. Perceived anonymity.

Why tell all your personal secrets?
Is it not obvious that I am not scared of being stalked? I’ve always been honest on the Internet. Sure, everybody else is lying, hiding behind an online persona. That’s too hard for me to do consciously. Anyway, I figure, why write into a diary beautifully with words and poetry?

Why take the effort? It’s not like your parents will sneak into your room and flip through your diary, admiring the prose and verbosity of their Shakespearian child.

You don’t show off your diary to friends. With blogs however, you can. Once it’s online, it’s public. It’s too late. I tend to do that with emails, too! When I can’t figure out how to improve on it, I just hit Send!

Don’t you have a life?
“First, you must define what the meaning of life is.” Seriously, I don’t. I don’t have a social life, at least. I write when I feel bad or disturbed about something. At least people can read and comment. Every surfer is my psychiatrist! Great huh? I’m just lying here on the couch. 😉

Aren’t they psychos out there?
Well, if they bother to read about my problems, and they bother to reply, they’ve got at least one brain cell more! Besides, I can’t pay to see the shrink… =( Even more besides – I’m more psychotic than them!

There you have it – my reasons for blogging. You can’t stop me! Muahahahaha!

Here’s a brief intro to my blog, my style (which is very different from other blogs). This is so you know what to expect.

1) No life story. I won’t tell you what happened to me, what route the bus took (it’s all the same, you see?), how much gold I earned from exploring my nasal tunnels, and so on. No live commentary. Work is interesting, but I won’t make you share the pain.

2) Loads of philosophy, technical theories and generally wondering about the world and its occupants. A lot of it. I like to think. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t. They’re just too lazy. This is also why I make little or no sense to them. I am simplifying my English so you, the reader, can get this point! :/

3) I won’t come to the point when I only update to say I’ve added more pages, but this won’t be the only page that gets updated. I don’t intend this to be a portfolio, but I don’t intend it to be one-page blog either. (Sounds like a One-Hit Wonder, eh?) I can be more than that! 🙂

4) Identity protection. I will try my very best not to squeal on you. ;P Of course, I will incriminate (accidentally, even) people, describing too much of the situation that the culprits will know who they are, even if I don’t say who. If you’re really nice, I’ll put your name in. =] Otherwise, you’ll get a scathing essay. >:[

5) No excessive pictures. I’m not a cam girl (I’m not even a girl, you lecherous brain-between-legs surfer!) Maybe some pictures to prove the point. This will be mostly readable stuff. I might throw in superlatives and sexual terms to cultivate interest (and to wake you), but there won’t be any really gross references or profanities. I’m all for the proper usage of profanities (which is, only when necessary). 0:)

6) If you have read this far, you’d have concluded what everyone else has – that I am a computer nerd. You’re smart that way. I sometimes have writing spurts, wherein my language suddenly becomes comprehensible, lively, and easy to understand! Watch out for those moments! They’re good!

7) Linkage and pimpage? Not much. I wouldn’t even link to my boss’ site! It’s up to my lazy self to link, anyway. Don’t expect pimpage from me; I couldn’t imagine typing the same URL again and again just because you’re my friend today, tomorrow, and the day after that!

Oh dear. I was too particular. After writing the guidelines, which trap me in a corner, I don’t know what I can say anymore. Sad, huh?