I went shopping, by myself, for fashion items! A phone conversation with my distraught-friend-cum-information-counter gave me just enough steam to walk into a girls’ accessories shop… to look for a metal hairband.

It was then I discovered how daunting it was. I tried a few, but they were either too tight or too loose, or propped on my hair at the wrong angle, to make me look like a princess with a black metal tiara. (RAWR.)

The shop assistants were blur also, as to what I wanted. I was indecisive! They did not know whether I should get the one that looked like a curved spring, or the one that looked like a curved comb that looked like a torture device clamped around victims’ necks.

I bought the curved spring eventually, out of pity, since I tried about everything there.

I should’ve brought a female friend to help me with my decision. Of course, if she was fashionable, she’d probably grab some trinkets herself. Gah. Patrick where are you? I need a gay buddy now. To go shopping and telling me what to get, that is. No you can’t come with me to the dressing room. Yeah I finally caught Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

No wonder girls can be indecisive when shopping, or trying out different articles of clothing and having a hard time deciding (and giving their partner a hard time convincing her that the black top does look better on her). It’s not the inherent fact that she’s a girl and she is indecisive. Female shop assistants usually don’t help you with decisions!

Now compare this to a male shop assistant, who sternly and brashly tells you, “get the Fujifilm F11. Seriously. I can tell you that this has the best quality pictures because of its high sensitivity and low noise.”

Justifying fashion to a girl is quite impossible. To the girl who swore off silk, well you otherwise wear clothes that flatter you and I do check you out when you’re walking in front and… oh well, I still say stupid things.

I have a confession: I get a certain twinge of laziness when it comes to fashion. I had the money to go get my hair done (that phrasing sounds feminine) dye my hair but I never got around to it until my sister asked if I wanted to share. I never got around to buying jeans until I made a deal with a friend which involved her helping me pick jeans, because I really don’t know these things.

P.S. I never knew that I had polo shirts all this while. Polo shirts sound like some exclusive golfwear. Turns out that they’re just collared shirts with two buttons. Sometime back, I also found out that I had khaki pants after all. Well sue me for being fashionably incompetent, I’m not homosexual. And maybe, my slight homophobia (or rather, fear of gays, and not lesbians) transcends into fashion-phobia as well.

P.P.S. Michelle you owe me a bath! Make sure you scrub deep.