Mark Chicks

Over the past few days, I have been asked this question many times again:

How come you’re always surrounded by hot chicks?

It’s not just guys who ask. Girls who set up PLU blogs do, too. Straight girls too… I think.

So what is it about Albert, who is not as tall as a basketball player, does not have a car, does not have any publicly-visible tattoos, does not smoke, does not have a credit card, has long unruly hair, that lets Albert know these hot chicks?

I don’t know, I could be good-looking or something.

But I’ll tell you what I think works.

A guy should have technical understanding over something that is otherwise magic to young impressionable girls, namely fashion, gossip, rollies (for girls who smoke), contacts to free flow of alcohol, magic tricks with a deck of cards, lomography cameras, a camera with a swivel screen (to ease camwhoring) and maybe even a do-it-yourself infrared camera, like this:

An infrared camera picks up infrared light as well as normal light, so it works better in the dark. Grace has conspired to steal my camera.

I don’t know why she calls herself thiathia, when her real name is Cindy. Nama glamour lari nak mampus. (Kel Li pronounces thiathia so obscenely!)

It would be good, too, to be metrosexual in knowledge. Identify mascara, eyelashes, eyebrows, etc. Don’t just say that she has nice eyes. My long hair has helped me relate somewhat to the struggles of keeping long hair (as opposed to keeping in touch with my feminine side.) I can geek out about why Loreal smells better.

Who cares if you can solve the Rubik’s Cube in under one minute? Who cares if you can play Yngwie Malmsteen stuff on guitar? It’s all about the visceral effect. You gotta learn your pop songs so she can sing along.

…and yes, I’m reminding all of you here yet again, yes I do play guitar and I look sexy doing it.

I also take pictures, and that looks sexy to some people too.

Who cares if you’re into philosophy? Don’t try to impress her with intelligence, because she wouldn’t be able to relate to the topics you talk about. 😛 (Whether that means pretty girls think of less complicated things, or that you think of more complicated things, is up to your own interpretation.)

Learn a skill that girls usually try to pick up, and then drop out of, e.g. how to tune a guitar and change its strings. You could also learn how to set up MMS/Bluetooth on any fashionista’s phone (familiarize yourself with obscure phone brands for this!)

Even girls, girls like pretty girls. Girls don’t go out alone. Girls don’t go to the toilet alone. They gotta have friends to go shopping, and they gotta have hot friends. They want to feel happening too. They stalk hot blogs. So associate yourself with famous people, and lure them with the idea that they might get to meet them. Sorry Joyce, I abuse our acquaintance-ship. 😛 Here’s your infrared picture from ages ago:

What, you’ve been going around telling girls that you know me and thus they get to say hi to me and think you’re such a happening guy and therefore want to get in your pants?

If you see a hot chick, she is more often than not with a bunch of hot chicks.

When was the last time you saw a bunch of hot guys? In a gay bar?

Guys generally do not hang out with hot guys. They’re competition. Girls hang out with hot girls. They fail to see the logic, but who’s to complain?

So, associate with one, and the rest will come rolling. Easier said than done, but once started, you’d wonder how it all began.

Oh and a final random piece of advice: When buying a drink for a lady sitting over there, make sure the waitress gives your message written on a tissue and identifies you. The waitress passed the drink and message, but didn’t identify the guy! This infrared picture shows that infrared photography makes written ink invisible. :O For the benefit of those unable to read embossed letters, it said, “CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU“.

22 thoughts on “Mark Chicks

  1. Cynthia :) Post author

    GAAHHHH you are not allowed to annoy me by calling me Cindy anymore, GASHHHH the name is Cynthia and friends hav been calling me thiathia since young, apa nama glamour, BAAAAH *angerangerragerage*

    *crushes imaginary Albert/Arthur* =_=

    and u make "the girls" (whoever those poor souls may be) sound so bimbotic beyond belief. careful now, they might get offended.

  2. Cheneille Post author


    eh, you forgot to add amazing sense of direction.

    and grace looks like that girl from the ponds ad. chanteek.

  3. Albert Ng Post author

    cyber-red: So what expression are you trying to express?

    Sherve: Hi… lurve? I don’t know what nama glamour to mis-give you. Need alcohol to formulate a name!

    Cindy: Man, you have an active imagination! I’m sure you’ve met boring guys who go overly technical about this and that.

    anon: Spank you later alligator.

    s!mple cheryl: You have a thing with hotties eh?

    Cheneille: That only works on foot, unfortunately. My navigation in car depends on whether the driver tends to speed before vital junctions or not.

  4. Cheneille Post author

    when you say does not have any publicly visible tattoos, are you trying to imply that you have a privately visible one???

  5. Cynthia :) Post author

    BWAAHAHA… true, suddenly "cant take my eyes off you" does sound a lil creepy stalker-ish O.O

    *teehee* Albert/Arthur 🙂 🙂 🙂 its catching on quick, isnt it. =p

  6. tina Post author

    i think guys have bigger competitions compared to girls.. i mean, thanks to fashion and make up, not very glamour looking girls can become glamour..

    for guys (i’m generalizing, sorry to metrosexuals), takkan you’re gonna run and go get some concealer when a lil pimple pops out.. know what i mean??

    AND girls check girls out… =)

  7. yin Post author

    i thought it had something to do with you appearing non-threatening, so the babes don’t mind being around you coz you’re not gonna hit on them.

    i think.

    do u? would u?

  8. Waifon Post author

    "Girls don’t go out alone. Girls don’t go to the toilet alone. They gotta have friends to go shopping, and they gotta have hot friends. They want to feel happening too. They stalk hot blogs. "

    I have to refute that statement. I go out alone, watch movies alone, go to the beach alone, have fun alone *halo, jangan otak songsang*, go shopping, go toilet alone and do so many things alone. What, am I a guy trapped in a girl’s body or just mere androgynous?

    Okay I sound so sad and pathetic. All alone but girls I reckoned do like to do things alone at times.

    I do not need to have hot friends but aisehman, they are naturally hot. What to do? And I’m stuck with them looking like some perpetually flawed eerie zombie next to them. But I do stalk lots of hot blogs. Does that make me any girly or possess compulsory attributes of a girl? And why do I see Albert/ Arthur all over the place!?

    You menyamar eh?

  9. Waifon Post author

    True la… you’re always surrounded by hot chicks. Everytime I ter- bumped into you, confirm flocked by leng luis. Some people have natural magnetic force in them. Pompuan lelaki semua dia kasi gasak. Semua ko nak eh?

  10. Albert Ng Post author

    Cheneille: There was so much I wanted to tell you before you left. I had so many things to show you! And you know me, backlogged in blog entries and all. I shall blog about tattoos someday.

    Waifon: I DO do a lot of things alone; how do you think I got in Starlight Cinema for free?

    You need to bump into me at Bintang Walk, where I’m most likely alone or geeking out with guys buying Transformers and computer stuff. So since you bump into me where I bump into chicks, you have quite the same interest as these chicks. So yes, you’re normal!

    Actually, when I hang out with not-so-hot girls, people still see me and a chick (chick meaning a female who is attractive in some manner). So it must be me, really, amplifying their attractiveness. I’m like proximity beer goggles. If you stood next to me, people would ask immediately, "Eh why never introduce me to your hot chicks lah…"

    I guess I don’t have to worry if my daughters turn out bucktoothed and bug-eyed. Though I wouldn’t want to marry a woman that would give me such offspring.

    Another psychological thing about hot chicks is that it’s all relative. If a guy sits at a table with a bunch of an average distribution of guys and girls, attractive and unattractive alike, he is bound to scan the table for the most attractive girl. That girl is then put on a temporary pedestal.

    Unless your friend looks exactly like you, one has to be the hotter one.

    yin: I’m going to lock you in my room for letting such an outrageous idea out in the public.

    Cynthia: It’s all her fault! (Right-click my latest blog entry’s only picture and click Properties; check out what the filename is.)

    tina: I’m going to proudly walk around with my shaving nick.

  11. bodicea Post author

    Lawlness. Well, to a certain extent, I guess you’re allowed to use your theory as to why you’re "always surrounded by hot chicks" to the general population.

    Hmmm. But frankly, when it comes to you, I think your friendliness and interestingly engaging personality does it.

    You’re a guy who listens after all. And responses accordingly.

    Unlike many.

    Oh, heh, I think you’re pretty good-looking too. I like your eyes.


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