Category Archives: Jokes

Testing!

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You may wonder why I don’t put up quiz test results like other bloggers do. Why? After a phone call, it all became clear to me.

– People who analyze the results get all paranoid about it.
– I don’t need a result to certify my (insert-description-here)-ness.
– I’m lazy to post the results. 😛

Now, a knockout session between the two websites I know with loads of tests:

Emode
– With big heads and all, it kinda screams of Ally McBeal.
– It takes itself too seriously, with the works, like printed certificates.
– It has too many specific tests mostly catered to females.
– It thinks Ricky Martin and Britney Spears are rock stars! :O
– It pulled off a lousy Personality Test paling in comparison to TheSpark‘s.
– Its graphics make it so female-magazine-like.
– The site’s a bit busy so they resorted to font size 1. 🙁

TheSpark
– It’s simply hilarious! The answers and questions have that significant dosage of American humor, but not too crass though.
– Its cartoony graphics are funny, too.
– It shows how much of the population is better or worse off than you.
– It pulled off a widespreading Personality Test that compared with many, many, buddies.
– It’s mostly Verdana font size 2 (like this font you’re reading now…)

TheSpark wins! It owns my soul now, and I don’t mind! So what if it says I’m an accountant but I don’t like accounts?

If I’m not convincing you enough, be your own judge, then.
Emode or TheSpark…

Script Burgers

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I was telling Dinesh (unlinked dude whose website is a 404) that I was teaching ASP at KFC. He asked if they were coming up with an ASP burger, to that which we started talking crap. The gist of it were two products:

The Active Server Pages (ASP) burger, championed by Microsoft: It’s not as big as KFC’s XXL burger (heck, the XXL burger is small!) but it gives you a bloated feeling. It’s also full of bugs and makes you feel insecure.

The Hypertext Processor (PHP) burger, championed by all that is free and good, e.g. Linux: It’s smaller but packs a punch with its penguin meat. Of course, being under the GNU General Public License, it means that the burger is given free. The recipe is also available to the public, and anybody who modifies the recipe must share it with the world.

Top Ten Signs You Didn’t Hire A Real Programmer

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  • He starts counting from 1.
  • His expression does not evaluate to null.
  • He doesn’t show his file extensions.
  • His programs are bugless the first time around.
  • His idea of “programming” is arranging playlists in WinAmp.
  • He speaks in an understandable language.
  • He has fixed work hours, and actually comes and leaves at the correct time.
  • He believes WYSIWYG is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
  • He plays sports (unless he works for EA Interactive.)
  • He puts spaces in filenames.

Top Ten Signs You’ve Made a Bad Plugin Player Model

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  • Strangely enough, your model gets listed among the top ten model downloads.
  • You play as it just to take advantage of other players puking.
  • You resort to playing with bots because real-life players keep taunting you.
  • When you do, it’s always the lowest skill bot.
  • You feel guilty for taking up space on more than 15 mirrors.
  • You shoot it on sight even if it was on your team.
  • You blast its corpse repeatedly.
  • You get so much negative remarks that you can make a top ten list.
  • On servers without kick ability, players often connect and disconnect quickly.
  • Your model is always mentioned in the same sentence as “inside joke”.

What Bill Gates would say in Quake deathmatch

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  • Well look who’s antichrist now!
  • I’ll give you a billion free greenbacks for the location of the BFG!
  • How dare you take advantage of Windows crashing?
  • See! I told you! Minesweeper is a lot more fun!
  • If only Id would support dual monitors for front and back view!
  • Like, I accidently pressed the Start button, okay?
  • I hope you have plenty of Illegal Operations!
  • Psst… a multiplayer cheat… press Ctrl-Esc…
  • That does it! I’m buying over Id Software!
  • Dang PS/2 COM port IRQ conflict!
  • First DOS. Then Windows. But now I keep crashing into walls!
  • This program is against the norm! 640K should be enough for everybody!
  • I don’t like the gloomy textures in this map. I prefer clouds… clouds with windows…
  • John Carmack’s the real villian here…
  • This bloatware runs (er, I mean crawls) on my PowerPC! (er, I mean Pentium III)