Over the past few days, I have been asked this question many times again:

“How come you’re always surrounded by hot chicks?”

It’s not just guys who ask. Girls who set up PLU blogs do, too. Straight girls too… I think.

So what is it about Albert, who is not as tall as a basketball player, does not have a car, does not have any publicly-visible tattoos, does not smoke, does not have a credit card, has long unruly hair, that lets Albert know these hot chicks?

I don’t know, I could be good-looking or something.

But I’ll tell you what I think works.

A guy should have technical understanding over something that is otherwise magic to young impressionable girls, namely fashion, gossip, rollies (for girls who smoke), contacts to free flow of alcohol, magic tricks with a deck of cards, lomography cameras, a camera with a swivel screen (to ease camwhoring) and maybe even a do-it-yourself infrared camera, like this:

An infrared camera picks up infrared light as well as normal light, so it works better in the dark. Grace has conspired to steal my camera.

I don’t know why she calls herself thiathia, when her real name is Cindy. Nama glamour lari nak mampus. (Kel Li pronounces thiathia so obscenely!)

It would be good, too, to be metrosexual in knowledge. Identify mascara, eyelashes, eyebrows, etc. Don’t just say that she has nice eyes. My long hair has helped me relate somewhat to the struggles of keeping long hair (as opposed to keeping in touch with my feminine side.) I can geek out about why Loreal smells better.

Who cares if you can solve the Rubik’s Cube in under one minute? Who cares if you can play Yngwie Malmsteen stuff on guitar? It’s all about the visceral effect. You gotta learn your pop songs so she can sing along.

…and yes, I’m reminding all of you here yet again, yes I do play guitar and I look sexy doing it.

I also take pictures, and that looks sexy to some people too.

Who cares if you’re into philosophy? Don’t try to impress her with intelligence, because she wouldn’t be able to relate to the topics you talk about. 😛 (Whether that means pretty girls think of less complicated things, or that you think of more complicated things, is up to your own interpretation.)

Learn a skill that girls usually try to pick up, and then drop out of, e.g. how to tune a guitar and change its strings. You could also learn how to set up MMS/Bluetooth on any fashionista’s phone (familiarize yourself with obscure phone brands for this!)

Even girls, girls like pretty girls. Girls don’t go out alone. Girls don’t go to the toilet alone. They gotta have friends to go shopping, and they gotta have hot friends. They want to feel happening too. They stalk hot blogs. So associate yourself with famous people, and lure them with the idea that they might get to meet them. Sorry Joyce, I abuse our acquaintance-ship. 😛 Here’s your infrared picture from ages ago:

“What, you’ve been going around telling girls that you know me and thus they get to say hi to me and think you’re such a happening guy and therefore want to get in your pants?”

If you see a hot chick, she is more often than not with a bunch of hot chicks.

When was the last time you saw a bunch of hot guys? In a gay bar?

Guys generally do not hang out with hot guys. They’re competition. Girls hang out with hot girls. They fail to see the logic, but who’s to complain?

So, associate with one, and the rest will come rolling. Easier said than done, but once started, you’d wonder how it all began.

Oh and a final random piece of advice: When buying a drink for a lady sitting over there, make sure the waitress gives your message written on a tissue and identifies you. The waitress passed the drink and message, but didn’t identify the guy! This infrared picture shows that infrared photography makes written ink invisible. :O For the benefit of those unable to read embossed letters, it said, “CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU“.