Category Archives: General

Mommy At Work

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The office pantry now has a sealed partition with a folding door and a chair inside. For weeks, its purpose was a mystery… until an email was sent to the entire office.

It was a breastfeeding room.

In the past four years (in 3 days it will be exactly 4 years) I’ve worked at ASTRO, the number of births have increased, and the number of pregnant ladies seen around have increased. This, we know, from the public emails.

It’s funny in a way, as it reminded me of back in my last year of secondary school, the year 2000. More and more teachers were getting pregnant! It didn’t help that I didn’t go for tuition.

Oh and last Thursday I went to support Jin‘s HELP play… by showing up. It was Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. I didn’t understand much of it, perhaps muddled by their Old English and missed lines. Thank goodness I escaped mandatory Literature for SPM by being born 13 days early, so I didn’t have to read all that flowery language (and perhaps know the story before its end.)

Free Pricing

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Just like Shaz, I can claim that my dad works for the government. Well, he used to. He is now a pensioner.

Imagine the shock I got when I got home, and my mom told me I wouldn’t get free medical treatment anymore. (Not like we got to use it on my funky excema…) Firstly they spelled my name wrong (nobody has ever misspelt my name in official documents before!) and secondly, even if they did fix it, I’d have until the 18th to get it free.

On a side note, Friday’s outings gave me a lot of things to think about. One friend was ready to bust out her dad’s pension money! Eep.

After that, another friend tried sunglasses at Petaling Street. The saleswoman quoted RM25. “Errr…” “How much you want?” “RM20 can ar?”

I said, “I was gonna say RM15 but nevermind.”

The lady left it at RM20.

She looking in the mirror, repeating, “Does this look nice ah?” I didn’t know what to say! I got the hint that she wanted me to somehow lower the price, but I didn’t know how to, unlike Sara. If I said it wasn’t nice, she wouldn’t have bought it; if I said it was nice, how would we lower the price?

And so, she awkwardly handed RM20 to the saleswoman. My now-more-fashionable-friend and I walked awkwardly away.

“Aiyah, can get for RM15 lah.”
“Dunno lah, shy lah… kesian the lady.”
“Yeah, I think it was her English. Did you hear her English? It was excellent!”
“Oh yealah maybe that’s why… her English was excellent lah.”

As we passed by shops selling sunglasses for RM15 and RM10, she went, “Aiyoh, so wasted lah…” “What, you only paid twice the price what.”

What’s With My Shoes?

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(cue Seinfeld bassline)

So I was entering the office when I saw this hot chick. I looked at her, she looked at me, and her eyes diverted down at my shoes. Now, had noone told me that “a girl who looks at you and then diverts her eyes down to your shoes is checking you out“, I would’ve thought, “what’s up with my shoes?”

The next time a chick checks out my shoes, I’ll look down at my shoes with the expression, “did I step on something?” It would be fun, nevermind her “what a cute idiot” expression.

Laggy Sagi

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You are 80% Sagittarius

I don’t believe in astrology, but I am convinced that there is a certain individualistic, independent, free-spirited wackiness in Sagittarians. However, I do know of one Sagittarian who is so normal, so boring… The only thing that matches is that she is happy-go-lucky.

She must be lying about her birthdate. “Oh I know some cool people who are Sagittarians… I shall tell people I am one. If they check my identity card, I’ll say I was misled, complete with my blurrest expression!”

December 19th (hint hint) is Sagittarian season, right?

Happy And Gay

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Be happy for me, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual and robosexual people! For once, a random stranger from Friendster who tried to add me… was gay. Yeah, like homosexual gay. Okay so he doesn’t say so, but females with gay friends have confirmed his gayness. Now, I can proclaim myself ‘jambu‘. Haha.

I have nothing (much) against gays. I say yay when my good-looking friend comes out of the closet. One less competitor, I say!

However, I think big-framed, strong-jawboned crossdressers are ugly. Their friends pull it off, but I don’t want them to pull anything off!

For the record, I am straight and I didn’t approve him because I didn’t want my account to be filled up by male strangers who think I’m good-looking. I would rather have intellectual female strangers who think I’m good-looking, especially ones with hot pictures.

So why does my name on Friendster have a ‘HUNGRY‘ attached behind it? I am parodying those camwh0res and camwh0re-adders who have accounts like Jessica-One-FULL and Jessica-Two-FULL.

Live Performances

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Last Saturday

It was the HELP Battle Of The Bands. It was a while back, so pardon my bad recollection. I waited at Bangsar PUTRA LRT for the bus to Pusat Bandar Damansara. Apparently, so was this other girl, as I ran out to the main road to see if that Triton bus was the right one. She ran out too. The correct bus came, and we both got on. She received a phone call and went, “What? It started already?” I got off when she did, and we both ran about, lost. I wanted to ask if she knew where it was, but she was on the phone, trying to get directions. We found Block E after a while.



Pretty, pretty lights. Too bad the sound wasn’t anywhere as good.

Few bands knew how to sound good; this 3rd place winner sang in tune.


Married To Guns was fun to watch, with the vocalist/guitarist doing his dancy The Darkness – I Believe In A Thing Called Love cover as well as Survivor – Eye Of The Tiger. They even ended with the solo bit of Metallica – Nothing Else Matters!

Alda of Cosmic Funk Express looked superbly funky that night.

We then went to Hartamas Square, where we had free beer on the winners, Cosmic Funk Express.

Wednesday

Shaz, JJM and I were supposed to break fast at Kelana Jaya, where Shaz would pick up his ride. Problem was, his ride wasn’t ready for him to shoot off to Cyberjaya to hand in his assignment, and so JJM became chaffeur. He introduced me to the mechanic, and I was to collect his Mercedes Benz when it was done.

I didn’t want to sit around Syed’s any longer, being bloated, so I called Dustyhawk, knowing he lived nearby. I got instructions to his house, and called again.

“Dude! Is your road SS5A/18?”
“No it’s not, you ASS. You overshot, you ASS. ‘FOO.”

I turned around and spotted him waiting outside his road, where he continued with his verbal assault.

It wasn’t till I got in that his momma showed him who was boss. She was.

She continuously expressed her love and concern (“aiyo I tell you this Lionel useless host one!“). I shall not go into details, but his room is sparkling clean for a guy. I got online on Lionel’s monitor (which read AS5S hence his continuous tribute to it). Shaz called, asking me to get back there to wait for the car with Maman. Lionel’s mom made him drive me there.

When we got there, Maman was there, and he lit a cigarette. Lionel borrowed one, as well as the lighter. We got the drift that his mom didn’t know that her son was smoking.

Shaz and JJM returned a bit too soon, so I didn’t get to test his new seats. Lionel, Shaz and I sat at Syed’s again, thinking of the original plan – to go watch Latte at 8 at Sunway Pyramid’s Starbucks at midnight. We went to visit Lionel’s mom again to get her permission.

“I hope she doesn’t give me more bags of starfruits, man.” – Shaz

She went on about his underwear and how angry she was walking from Pudu STAR LRT station to Bintang Walk due to her son’s misdirection. She went all out to humiliate Lionel in the most funny way possible.

“Aunty, can we take your son to see Latte at 8 at midnight at Sunway Pyramid?”
“Sure, can! As long as he doesn’t hisap rokok then can.”

I laughed my loudest then.

We went, and got major prime position seats. It wasn’t too close to the stage, and yet, we could see everything.


Close up.


Adam Carruthers and Marion Caunter of 8TV Quickie with some girl who should’ve won the Nokia 3200 at the HELP Battle Of The Bands. Yes, this was the first time I’d ever seen Marion after hearing so much about her cuteness.


Zahid of Disagree sports a new glittery Gibson Les Paul, with Hamka on percussion


In one of the secret tunnels out, we found the Bus Channel (Lionel poses)

Oh, and I was at a guitar shop in Sunway Pyramid. There was a guy testing a guitar and I was happy for once, because usually when someone tests a guitar, they probably know what to play. He was just playing very sloppily, very average – like me. 🙂

P.S. Welcome Evening Drama to the links in my About Me! page.

Disco-urse

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Analog South says: which disco do i go to, if i haven’t disco-vered it?
disco-very: YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU says: Zouk’s having a 70s disco fever party tonight
Analog South says: what if my disco-graphy says my disco has been disco-ntinued?
disco-very: YOUR DISCO NEEDS YOU says: then i pity you
Analog South says: ah, expensive place, i need a disco-unt
Analog South says: many have expressed disco-ntent in disco-urses over that disco

Joey Eat Tyre

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“Hey you know since like you’re really wise and all would you mind helping your friend out? I need some advice…”

How could I say nay to a damsel in distress? I assumed the role of final affirmer. “Yes! Send the message confessing how much you still feel for him and talk to your ex again after 5 months!”

Then the conversation strayed to me finding out that she liked me for like 3 months when we first knew each other. Whoa what a coincidence, I admitted. Damn. All this while, I thought she was just a very, very conversational person with loads of credit! Damn I was oblivious.

The guy replied. It was mutual. Somebody got her happy ending.

Then there’s another ironic thing in life. When I hung out with my crush (and in her group of friends, there is a guy who she likes and likes her as well), the guy will be very, very friendly with me, even on the first time meeting. One of them asked for my phone number and couldn’t stop talking to me. Another guy asked for my phone number and gave me my first lapdance!

And hell, I found out both were mutual… a bit too late.

On a side note, some girl I have no crush on whatsoever said, “Hey you know when I first met you, I really really hated you. I don’t know why.”

I asked this relatively angsty person, “Hey! If I rarely see you sober, how come you’ve never been frank with me?”

Friend No More

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Jenifer was just talking about deleting Smashpop off her MSN Messenger list because he kept going online and offline to the extent that there were two columns of “smashpop has just signed in.” on her screen!

I then rolled my office chair over to tell him that yes, I had deleted him a long time ago for doing that. I didn’t block him though.

“Okay fine! I delete you then. Not like I talk to you anyway.”

He then looked for my nickname in his list. He couldn’t find it! I checked and found my nick there, without telling him which one it was. Oddly, it wasn’t the latest one… I then checked two other colleagues’ lists to see what my nick was. They were all different!

“Well then, wait for me to get online, then delete me lah.”

Dreams

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It would be nice to dream in black and white like Justin Guber does. That way, you’d know that you were in a dream.

In a hopefully not too distant future, bionic research would’ve increased, and by a brainwave scan, we’d be able to get live feed from the audiovisual section of the brain. Connect that to a recorder and we’d be able to record our dreams!

A budding director could have a movie marathon, fall asleep, and record his debut horror flick in his dreams. Psychics could record their visions. Most importantly, we could get Marilyn Monroe and Pamela Anderson in the same pr0n flick. (What, did you expect me to name some real pr0n stars? They’ve probably already had those collaborations…)