I heva discovarad how to sound Spenish.
It’s aesiar then you think!
Just swep ell your A’s end E’s end viole! You era spaeking Spenish.
Nicola, you’ra right; it is e baeutiful lenguega!
(Okey, I must cradit this chick who kapt mixing up “than” end “then”, who otharwisa hed parfact Anglish! It wes har raterdad spalling thet inspirad ma to writa this blog antry.)
You know you’re getting old when a hot chick smiles at you at your grandma’s open house… and she gives you an angpau. 🙁
Fun things to do? Toss glitter over the front entrance and tell them it’s for good luck. They can’t sweep it away!
Oh, and has anybody flipped through ASTRO channels lately? The new ones are mostly Chinese! It’s like MEASAT-3 launched and hovered right over Taiwan.
Happy Chinese New Year!
(I scouted the neighborhood while fireworks were blasting, but didn’t manage to catch any. So here’s some from the beercan.)
Outside Ampang Park.
Gotta love the creamy bokeh.
I was surfing/scrolling Wikimapia when I came about this in Section 17, Petaling Jaya, covering the Rothmans roundabout:
This is a full-screen screenshot, scaled down and auto-levelled.
What if I zoomed out and took a crop instead, so you could see my tooltip and see who’s causing all that smoke?
Yep, it’s those buggers who “provide better quality cigarettes to consumers who are aware of the risks and consciously make the decision to smoke” (quoted from Kuzco.)
What did I do on December 31st, 2006?
I went to two parties.
One had a view which spanned three fireworks launches, like this one in front of the National Museum.
(Okay, so the same spot was the best; KLCC was too smoky and the other one was quite beyond and not as frequent.)
Tilted sideways. Nothing fancy here because I only brought my little Canon Powershot A520, and it’s not as steady as shooting fireworks with the camera pointed upwards. 🙁
At the second party, already January 1st, 2007, the party had died down, and I sat down on a couch. This chick next to me asked me to sign the guestbook.
She didn’t quite recognize it. “Is it a robot?”
I don’t have to be cool (or uncool) to know it’s definitely not organic.
This Iranian dude came up to her, sat next to her, and continued a previous conversation.
“So you’re a lawyer? I saw you and thought you were a writer! Somebody in the creative line. You know, you have really nice hands. Hands of a writer.”
He then examines her hands gently.
“You know, creative people have longer, slender fingers.”
I looked over, and her fingers were much shorter than her palm! Not only that, she was sitting somewhat rigidly, fitting her lawyer occupation. Pickup line fail brader.
He left to get a drink, and she turned to me and asked if I was alright. “You were so still, I thought your friend was drawing your sketch!” (My friend was facing me, scribbling in the guestbook.)
“No, I was just staring into space.”
“…okay, actually, I was eavesdropping. Heh. It’s always amusing to hear a guy pick up a girl. Did it work?”
“No… but he was interesting.”
He returned with more lines. “You know, I like that look of yours. It’s like slightly annoyed. I think you’d look very sexy when you’re angry. If I saw you in a bar, you know, I’d just go up to you, kiss you, and then talk.”
They then talked about politics, and travelling in the Middle East. I dozed off.
I’m not sure if he leaned over to kiss her, as turning would blow my cover.
She then left, as her transport was leaving.
Chapter Two
The Iranian dude then chats up my friend. At this point I wasn’t in earshot and didn’t bother, but the friend I came with and I gossipped about it. I quickly gave her the 411 on his attempt on the lawyer, to see if he’d repeat the same things.
Soon, his hand reached over her back.
We went across the hall to sit elsewhere, out of earshot but still able to see them.
“Are they kissing, Albert?”
“No, you can see his head is at that angle… and she’s nodding.”
“Are they kissing now, Albert?”
“No, not yet… I can still hear him talking somewhat.”
“OOO! Now they’re kissing! See her head’s like tilted. Oh now they’re talking. Okay now they’re kissing.”
He then examined her hands. Aha! He did use that trick after all.
We then left the hall to leave them to have fun.
I found this rather disturbing view from a room window.
Morning came, and they were cuddled up on the couch, all lovey-dovey and holding hands. “Let’s go for breakfast!”
As we sat in a mamak in daylight, it was then that we saw the Iranian dude in his full uh… glory. Unibrow, bushy chest, big nose, and ugly, cavity-full yellowed teeth! He looked alright in the dark, cool and suave even, but in daylight we got quite a shock.
Me and my two female friends all looked at each other, sharing the same expression. This was something we could make fun of her for years!
I never quite believed in beer goggles until this experience.
She was, however, still putting her hand on his lap.
In the middle of a conversation, he pulled out a green wine bottle from under the table and drank it. That was a most comical moment indeed.
“So I’ll send you back to your apartment?” my friend asked.
“Nah it’s cool, I’ll take a cab back.” he said.
We got in the car.
“AIYEE! OH MY GOD! I can’t believe I made out with that guy!”
“Yeah, but you were all so lovey-dovey right?”
“Yeah, he so thinks I’m gonna call. He gave me his number but I didn’t give him mine.”
“Wow, that’s smart.”
“Yeah, lucky I did that. You know, in the morning lying beside him, I realized that hey, I didn’t even know his name!”
I’m glad for her and that little plot twist. 😀
As I walked home after it all, my road was sprinkled beautifully. Welcome 2007! (I’m not that lagged; I bumped into a lot of people at Laundry Bar on the 11th of January but everybody wished me Happy New Year anyway.)
In 13 days, October 11th 2006 to be exact, I would have not cut my hair for 2 years. (Minus the 500th-day sideburn trim.)
I think I’ll keep it for a while, still, for I have found more reasons to treasure my hair lately. For one, it’s never the same; meet me 3 months later and you’d think I had a different hairstyle. What cheaper way to have different styles of hair than to leave it to grow through phases? (short, slight thickness, poking your eyes, poking your nose, poking your mouth, so heavy your hair doesn’t puff, shoulder-length, long-enough-to-tuck-under-armpits-length, covering-your-bosom-length, covering-your-navel-length, replacing-your-… er, nevermind.)
My plan, after growing it till it makes no difference, would be to make dreadlocks, and then go bald, and then look like a boy again. But then I’d miss headbanging like so.
(Credits to smashpOp for taking these pictures.)
Anyway.
I was at my distraught-friend‘s birthday party, sitting at this rather quiet sober table with this guy and two hot chicks. Let’s label them hot chicks as Lisa and Shel.
The guy was telling stories about how he was hopelessly gentlemanly with girls, and how his friends tell him off for being a nice guy.
He once bought a girl a Hush Puppy, stuffed a RM1
13th July, 2006, some Tamiya racecar circuit in One Utama.
Toyota Scion xB! The ultimate pimpin’ box car!
Set your shutter speed to 1/30th of a second to get this panning shot. Or just zoom all the way in, set your EV to +2 and ISO to 50 or 80 for similiar effect.
Suzuki Swift!
1/20th of a second, 140mm focal length (at 35mm equivalent) to get this panning shot.
Do-riff-too!
And now, to pad this blog entry.
Oh Joy, you tagged me!
AWESOME PEOPLE I WANNA MEET:
– Davina Goh, because she comes to mind first when I think of awesome.
– Suzanne Lee, so I can molest… her camera.
– Keanu Reeves, because they say I look like him, and I’d like to take a picture with him to find out.
– the Angel Of Death, because I want to borrow his scythe. I could think of a thousand uses for a scythe!
THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT:
– oxygen, because you need that to start a fire.
– my Nokia N70, who provides me companionship on those long journeys.
– my clothes, it helps me from being jumped on by swarms of nubile girls.
– rock and roll, because I love rock and roll.
I WISH I COULD:
– avoid coming to friends’ minds when they are doing blog memes and have to pick friends to tag
– cut down this meme from 5 items to 4. Oh well, I took the liberty of doing that already.
– walk over and tell people how I feel.
– clear the backlog of stuff I have to blog about.
SONGS THAT I THINK ARE AWESOME: (For once, 5 is not enough.)
– Queen – Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
– Incubus – Summer Romance
– Prince – Sexy MF
– The Doors – Light My Fire (has Jim Morrison ever come to you in a dream?)
I WANT:
– chicks such that people would tell me to get a room. 😀
– to do only things that will improve or contribute to the wellness and progression of society (or self, at least…)
– to be your backdoor man. (Damn those naked men coming to you in dreams!)
– to rearrange the order of some of the questions in this meme. Oh well, did that already.
HOW I SEE MYSELF IN 10 YEARS:
– through a mirror?
– looking ten years older.
– acting ten years older (or at least, the more desirable attributes of that age…)
– writing 2016 on dates, and not 2015.
RANDOM FACTS:
– I don’t roll over and sleep.
– My right sideburn grows faster than my left, and my beard gravitates to my right sideburn.
– I don’t block people on MSN.
– The Nile in Egypt is the longest river in the world.
MISCONCEPTIONS:
– I smoke. (The tainted teeth are a result of Teh Tarik.)
– I am a druggie. (The stoned look is a result of lack of sleep, updating my blog in hopes of entertaining all you bored people.)
– I have the height of a NBA basketball player. (My face just looks tall.)
– I have a big camera. (I’m often sighted with a friend’s camera, be it Tarquin’s or Jacintha’s or Shaz’s or Asyraf’s.)
I TAG:
– whoever I can catch. I’m going to count to 5 and start chasing!
This loafer bread is not working! I need a gouda cheese.
Hmmph I thought only active bloggers would get tagged and tag people.
Four jobs I would stink at:
Garbage collector
Public toilet janitor
Septic tank cleaner
Fishmonger
Four pretend nicknames I�m making up for myself:
Glaring Notebook (after this I’ll make them up on the spot)
Purveyor Of Realness
Goldchigga
Hair Guitarist
Four movies I have watched over and over:
School Of Rock
Transformers The Movie
Back To The Future
Shaun Of The Dead (I’ve seen this loads of times on ASTRO)
Four things I love to do on my weekends:
Date hot models
Watch free movies
Headbang to rock bands at gigs
Drink free orange juice (it’s good for you!)
Four things I could NOT live without (besides oxygen, H20, and miscellaneous life-sustaining substances):
My Nokia N70
An Internet connection of some sorts like 3G/EDGE over my phone
My wallet because it’s fat and keeps me warm
My pants. To quote Ron Burgundy from Anchorman, “Don’t act like you’re not impressed!”
Four TV shows I geek out to, or used to geek out to:
The Simpsons
Futurama
Mr. Bean
Transformers
Four of my favorite foods, partnered with people with whom I enjoy eating said foods:
Indomee, with William my mamak explorer
Cheese Naan, also with William my mamak explorer
Burger King’s Triple Whopper, with Shaz the chomper
Burger King’s French Chicken, also with Shaz the chomper
Four places I would rather be right now:
In her room
In the room where they have the keys to all the compartments of a Hasbro warehouse
In the room where they have the keys to all the compartments of a Canon warehouse
In the room where they have the keys to all the compartments of a Ford warehouse
Four people I�m mercilessly tagging:
Jude, my imaginary friend. He’s always bored.
Brandon, one of the voices in my head. Maybe it will get him to shut up.
The unidentified figure in my photos. What’s your nickname and why do you keep appearing in my pictures?
Nightcrawler of the X-Men. I mean, he could be anywhere, so where would he want to be?
1) Bring your mother along.
What if she was a MILF?
2) Go watch a kids’ movie!
If it gets preachy and boring, you’d still have to act decent. In front of the kids and parents. What more if your mother was there too.
3) Pay for an expensive meal.
What if the guy wanted to break his RM50 note? (You see, guys don’t carry around coin purses…)
(Picture put on blog without permission of Aardman Studios; I took a picture of the screen, but hey I bought the original DVD okayyy…)
4) Speak in the f-language.
Itfit isfis afanoyfoyyingfing tofoo befee refeminfindedfed offof whenfen youfoo werfer ninefine andfand girlsfirls justfust disfiscofaverferredfed thisfis. (Guys, never let them know you understand, or they’ll never stop. Also, I have reason to believe that the f-language, if I remember properly, was not supposed to rhyme; “what is” became “whatfa isfi” instead of “whatfart isfis”.)
5) Swear loudly.
Busybody Malaysians know exactly who to divert their darty eyes to. No, not the swearer. The guy.
Note: Post is written in jest and is not meant to draw reference to any events that may have happened.
Why, in general, do English-educated bloggers frown upon, and make fun of girls (and boys, especially boys) who act cute and flash the peace victory sign in pictures?
Is it because we are predisposed against overly cute things?
No.
It is because, of all the poses overused when taking pictures, it symbolizes that the person using the gesture is harmless. If we make fun of you, we can get away with it, because you will not come and kick my ass. (Unless you can claw someone to death.)
If you are male, all the more we will make fun of you. “Oh look a pansy, let’s make fun of him!”
Yeah, we could make fun of the kids who make the Devil’s Horns gesture, but they’ll kick your ass. They’ll smash a beer bottle and shove it up you. It is not wise to assume that they learnt it only from Avril Lavigne.
We could insult angsty people with their middle fingers in the air, but they’d come back and flame us.
So what are kawaii cute girls going to do? Make you claw your eyes out with their cuteness? What if they’re not that cute to begin with?